I guess you're supposed to get these after Thanksgiving, but I had a free evening, so I drove down to Chula Vista and picked up a tree:
Will post after pictures in a couple of days after I'm done decorating! (I love the smell of pine needles!)
A picture of the coffee table I got this past weekend (Thank goodness for the Citi Forward card with its insane points for eating out to make this affordable):
After posting that last video, I loaded up my Mariah Carey playlist, and that got me reminiscing back a couple of years ago.
For kicks, I loaded up my LiveJournal account to see who was active. Back before I started working on Tabulas, I spent a lot of time on LiveJournal, kicking it with some random people.
I felt a pang of disappointment when I realized I could never reach out again to most of these people (some had completely deleted their accounts, while others had just stopped posting).
People move on with their lives - I just wish I knew they were doing alright.
One of the biggest downsides to the growth of sites like Twitter & Facebook is that they've destroyed the ability for people to share their stories. I'm of the belief that all of us have a story to share, and we do a disservice to ourselves and others by keeping these stories to ourselves. The human condition is shared, and we should make the most of our ability to reason and communicate.
I used to spend hours just clicking through on LiveJournal accounts and reading on the joys and sorrows of random people. You can't do that with Facebook, Twitter, or Tumblr. I don't know if I simply grew older, or if people just don't do that anymore. I ran across a Tabulas account recently which reminded me of why I grew to cherish Tabulas so much in the early days. Unlike the false truths we throw up on sites like Facebook and Twitter to brand ourselves (even subconsciously), there's a fresh truth in reading anonymous personal entries. I read that stuff and go, "Wow, that was me. I'm not alone."
This journal used to be like that, but I've found it much harder to write like that lately. The truth is that I simply can't go into that level of detail, since most of it is work-related (or is tangentially related to work). With my position at the company, I simply can't share that, even if I'm simply being brutally honest. C'est la vie.
I'm not sure what it is, but I've been on a huge sentimental kick over the past few weeks (ever since my NC trip). For the past few years, I've really grown to appreciate my parents and the sacrifices they made for me, and seeing my NC friends again this time reminded me of all the good times I had with them. It also reminded me how well I had it to kick it with them.
But there's a huge sadness in coming to grips with the reality that as we grow up, we drift apart as friends. I guess that's why I've been getting more sentimental lately, and why I've been getting so worked up about traditional holiday activities like cooking Thanksgiving dinner with good company and putting up a Christmas tree. Every time I do these activities, it takes me back to the memories associated with those activities in the past.
Even if they were just from last year, it's amazing how much I've felt like I've grown over the past year. It's not that there were situations that drove these changes - my position inside MindTouch hasn't changed, and there haven't been anything that's changed in my personal life. I look at life a lot differently than I used to, and that's all that matters.
I know I have my job to thank for that - in a lot of ways, it forced me to grow up a lot faster. I don't know how I ended up here, but I know that it was a series of long struggles and a lot of soul-searching.
My family is healthy, I have an appreciation for those people in my life who've shaped it, I have a wonderful job, and I'm happy. I no longer struggle with insomnia on a regular basis, and I no longer question who I am or what it is I'm to do. I've found direction in my life, and I'm thankful that I have the will, the drive, the people, and smarts to push forward in that direction.
And for that, I'm thankful.
I can't believe it's been a year since my trip to Big Sur:
Check this Korean girl belting Mariah Carey's "My All":
Holy smokes! She doesn't have the fullness of Mariah - she reminds me far more of a younger Christina Aguilera... but still, incredibly impressive.
(I almost busted out laughing at 1:28, cause she lets that Korean accent slip in with that "imagining..." line)
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I got a copy of How to Cook Everything: Simple Recipes for Great Food
I highly recommend you go out and get a copy (get it used); I'll definitely be trying out some of the recipes in this book for the next few weeks!
"The only thing that matters is just following your heart, and eventually you'll finally get it right:"
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One of my many weird quirks is spreadsheeting of my car's gas mileage. I track every gas fill-up: the date, the mileage, and the total spent. I started keeping this data with the intention of one day figuring out the long-term value of owning a Mazda 3 versus getting a hybrid (I almost bought a Prius three years ago).
Some numbers from owning the Mazda3 for three years:
If I had gotten a Prius, assuming a 46 MPG, I would have spent $1,081 on gas. That's a difference of about $600 spread over three years. With a price differential of ~$8K at purchase time (even with the $3K tax credit), I managed to save significant amounts of money by getting the Mazda3.
And as a general three year review of the Mazda3? I love the thing. Getting it in Carolina blue was a mistake; if I could go back, I'd also get the hatchback. My one complaint about the car is that the angle of the back window causes it to catch a LOT of dust - it gets dirty incredibly easy.
But besides that - it's a fun car to drive (pretty responsive), perfect size for the city, well sized for passengers, low maintenance (no problems thus far), and has managed to be able to transfer almost all the furniture I've bought without a problem! (This streak was unfortunately broken today when I mistakenly assumed the Benchwright Coffee Table from Pottery Barn came in pieces - it comes in one big piece).
(And now I finally have a coffee table!)
... but I find interesting. I've been watching the AGU-CF-TRA love triangle and things are starting to heat up.
AGU, which is trying to take over CF, seems to be gaining success with their bid, with 62% of shares voting for the takeover. Meanwhile, yesterday, CF got three of its nominees to the TRA board (ousting the chairman) - a pretty good indication of what TRA shareholders want.
So TRA shareholders want to be bought out by CF (while the TRA board of directors does not), while CF shareholders want to be bought out by AGU (while the CF board of directors does not).
Interesting. (I pretty much exited my long position from before, leaving just a small amount in place to catch any additional upside - I'll initiative a long in another one of the players next week)
Today, I move on. 
I already said it before, about two days ago, last November 19. My sis' sharing has shone me some light. Thank God for that. And now I'm just enlightened--on how to actually do so.
I have come to realize that it all starts with the decision to act on what you want. As I've told my friend, "I don't really need anyone or anything to take my mind off him. All I had to do to start getting my life back is to simply decide that I will move on." I definitely do not need or even want a rebound, and keeping me busy won't make me as much happy as well. I have to be happy... on my own.
Good thing my sis and I drank last Tuesday. We were throwing our stories with one another. She was so broken-hearted, not to mention it was her birthday then. Tsk. Stories of sadness, already answered questions that we keep asking, tears that won't stop flowing. And that one testimonial of another sis for this broken-hearted sis knocked some sense into me.
She was relenting her version of moving on. Yes, we noticed the sadness in her face, and the struggle she's been through. And now we look at her, we'd definitely agree that she has been better. She has succeeded. And she simply started with a decision--making a CHOICE. A difficult choice that takes pretty much a long process--and time and energy--but has a lasting, maturing consequence.
And eventually, I had to admit it. I couldn't move on. I wasn't moving on. All because I haven't really made the decision. I wanted to, but I have never really decided to.
All the while, I was stuck. Upon hearing the testimonial, I wanted to act, and decide already. But of course, I had to think, as always. I asked, "What kept me holding on, anyway?" And I've come to terms with the truth: I wanted to know what he had in mind. Before I really give up, I had to know if I'm wasting my chance or my assumptions have been right all along. I wanted to see if it was just me or it was really mutual. I wanted it to come from his own mouth, not from his actions. I wanted to hear it instead of conclude it.
Thinking about it made me back out a bit. Maybe I should wait and tell him first before I actually do it. Then again, that's only prolonging the agony. It would be really stupid of me to be stuck this long--and actually to choose being so. So I realized that I really do have to move on already. Life goes on and it stops for no one--not ever. I always knew I'll move on eventually, someday. Thus, I have decided that someday is NOW.
About two days ago, my sis and I went to Ministop on a very early morning. As we chatted, I've remembered my old happiness and happen to share that realization with her: that I have been happy before he came in to my life. I was so contented with my life already without him! When he came, he just made it happier for me. Now I realize, such 'disillusionment' does not always last, maybe not even in a good way. I figured that the trend was that happy, happier, then sad. Once you get 'happier,' you don't step down to being happy again; you sink down to sadness, or maybe even worse.
Still, the good news is that, happiness is still there--and it always will. You've been happy before, why not be so again? I think that's what 'disillusionment' does: making us happier, forgetting how to be happy on our own. It already happened--can't it happen again?
So right now, I'm in the process of regaining that happiness of mine. As I've said, I do not want love for now; HAPPINESS is what I wish for. The goal now is to be happy. Happier will come later.
Moving on. Step one. Decision. Choice. Check! Now I'm on step two: planning. What do I do now? I'm now reliving my good ol' hopes and aspirations. Here comes the new me.
Already, I'm beginning to be happy.
PS: I was supposed to post FOR THE LAST TIME the things I remember about him, what he has taught me. Then again, I think I have reminisced pretty much long enough. Time to get rid of his memoirs. It's me and GOD time again! I'm loving this. 
